Did you know that our candles sales have accurately predicted the winner of every U.S. presidential election (and every Canadian federal election1) since 2016?
Continue Reading
Special Report
If you’re not familiar with A Christmas Memory by Truman Capote, then please enjoy this completely original work of fiction written by me, Kate.
Imagine a Christmas morning in late November 2016. Consider the kitchen of a sprawling, old White House. It’s all stainless steel counters and shiny, oversized appliances. In the center of the room there’s a cluster of pots and pans hanging from the ceiling, their bottoms blackened with use.
A man with shorn, graying hair is standing at the kitchen window. He is wearing brown shoes and a light tan suit that is a strange choice for late November. He is tall and lean, his face smooth except for the laugh lines at the corners of his mouth. He turns to me with a twinkle in his eye and says, “Are you fired up and ready to make fruitcakes?”
Continue Reading
Comments Off on A Christmas Memory of Me and Barack Obama
Our Valentine’s Day gift to you is a flowchart that will tell you which U.S. president you should date.
When you’re done reading it, you can print it out on six or seven pieces of paper, then tape the paper together and roll it up like a scroll. Then you can put it in your scroll bag and carry it around with you, along with all of your other scrolls!
As a final note, this took me forever to make. If you enjoy it, it seems like the least you could do is buy four or five copies of our book.
Click here to view the complete flowchart.
Comments Off on Which U.S. President is Your Perfect Boyfriend?
I regret to inform you that it’s time for our annual report on top search terms. As you may recall from the 2015 and 2016 editions, in this report we look at some of the search terms that brought people to this website, in an attempt to satisfy the public’s bottomless hunger for search-related humor.
Continue Reading
We live in a golden age of human achievement.
If you haven’t been reading JD’s travel diary, then you haven’t been missing out on much. Don’t believe me? Just check out Part 1!
Friday, July 7
Dear Diary,
We got the first pass version of our book on Thursday night, so I stayed inside all day on Friday working on the book and ignoring the kids’ requests that I 1) play ninja, 2) play pillowfight, or 3) play ninja pillowfight.
Continue Reading
Comments Off on Memoir Quebecois, Part 2
This is the Canadian Imperial Igloo, where the Emperor of Canada dreams, deep in his vat.
We took a family trip to Quebec. People love hearing about family vacations, so we figure everyone wants to hear us drone on and on about it. With that in mind, here is J.D.’s daily journal recording our visit.
Continue Reading
It’s time for the annual feature in which we comment on the search terms that brought people to our site. WordPress shows us these terms, presumably to help us do search engine optimization. But you know what is more fun than working on search engine optimization? Nearly everything. And “nearly everything” includes “making fun of people’s search terms.”
So, if you think reading jokes about search terms sounds fun, then you’ve come to the right place! Indeed, this might be the only place for you. And if you enjoy it, feel free to check out our 2015 installment. It will feel comfortable and familiar, because we probably recycled a lot of the same jokes.
Continue Reading
Did you know that, in addition to running the amazing website you see before you, Kate and I also make candles that smell like world leaders? It’s true! I’m surprised you didn’t already know, because we bring it up ALL THE TIME.
And today, dear readers, we are going to teach YOU how to make candles. That way you’ll be prepared to come work for us when our candle empire grows out of control and we need to hire staff, or at least bring on an unpaid intern.
Continue Reading