If you are looking for an eligible bachelor who also happens to be the president of Botswana, then look no further than Ian Khama, the president of Botswana.
foreignoffice / flickr.com
Ian Khama is 62 years hot and has never been married, insisting that he is too busy with state “affairs” to find a wife.
I, on the other hand, am not too busy to do anything, and I swear on this hollowed-out bible with a cupcake hidden inside that I will not rest until I find a romantic partner for Ian Khama. (At least, I won’t rest much. Any more than normal, let’s say.)
And hey, as long as you’re here, why don’t we check to see if Ian Khama’s soul mate is YOU? Hopefully it will be, and then my search will be over and I can get back to eating secret cupcakes in the bathroom with the shower running to conceal the sounds of my happy murmuring.
To that end, please complete the following quiz:
Are You Ian Khama’s Soul Mate?
Ian Khama has specified that his wife should be “tall, slim, and beautiful.” Are you tall, slim, and beautiful?
A. Yes, I maintain a perfect figure and flawless beauty, all while that portrait of me in the attic grows more withered and grotesque with each passing day. But who cares about that painting? Let’s just try not to look at it when we’re hanging out in the attic.
B. Yes, I am as tall as the Statue of Liberty, and as thin as the Statue of Liberty, and basically I just look exactly like the Statue of Liberty.
C. No, but I can be by the time I get to Botswana. I only need to grow a few more inches.
D. No, but I make up for it by having the personality of Jay Leno.
Describe your perfect man.
A. The personality of Ian Khama combined with the body of Ian Khama.
B. He would be the president of Botswana and he would be holding a box of doughnuts.
C. 111 feet tall, 225 tons, and made of cast iron and stainless steel.
D. My perfect man would be just like the Six Million Dollar Man, except that instead of being half-man and half-machine, he just has six million dollars in his bank account.
As the First Lady of Botswana, you would have to live in Botswana. Are you willing to move to Botswana?
A. Yes, I have already sold my home and all of my belongings except for what would fit inside of a suitcase. And then I mailed that suitcase to Botswana.
B. Yes, I already live in Botswana. We do have the internet in Botswana, you know.
C. Yes, I will move anywhere as long as I can be packed in a crate and transported aboard a cargo ship.
D. No, but I would be willing to live in a hot air balloon circling over Botswana, and I could parachute in for state events.
Which of your current hobbies are you most excited to share with Ian Khama?
A. Governing the country of Botswana
B. Balloon jumping
C. Standing perfectly erect and holding a torch
D. Marrying presidents
In one word, sum up what you feel when you gaze deeply into Ian Khama’s eyes
C. Soulmate (spelled as one word)