Before you elect someone to the most powerful office in the nation, it’s important to look at a photo of them from when they were young. For one thing, you want to make sure they are aging as time passes, because that is how you weed out the androids. But you also want to make sure they are aging in the right direction, because otherwise you could end up with a Benjamin Button situation on your hands. (And we are not even kidding about that. If we elect Marco Rubio and then find out he has the Benjamin Button disease, after two 4-year terms he will be only 10 years old!)

So do your patriotic duty and review these photos of presidential candidates when they were young and dishy. (Then do your other patriotic duty and follow us on Facebook and Twitter. OK, that’s enough patriotism for one day! Now feel free to go burn a flag or whatever.)


young Martin O'Malley

Martin O’Malley

OH NO MARTIN O’MALLEY HAS NOT AGED SINCE 1990 HE MUST BE AN ANDROID!!!

Eh, I still might vote for him. He’s just so handsome! Plus I like his policy of no handguns for anybody except androids.


young Bernie Sanders

University of Chicago

Bernie Sanders

OK Mr. Sanders, we’re all ready. If you could just look over here at the camera…
—Over here?
No…that’s a tree.
—Here?
No. That’s some kind of castle.
—Eh. I’m just going to look at the tree again.


Signing of the Declaration of Independence

classmates.com

Hillary Clinton

If we all try really hard, we might be able to telepathically send our thoughts back through time to young Hillary Clinton and warn her.


young Mike Huckabee

classmates.com

Mike Huckabee

Young Mike Huckabee sings “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” to his fellow campers at logging adventure camp.


young Jeb Bush

Jeb Bush

Here is a picture of young Jeb Bush sitting at his desk and thinking about exclamation marks.


young Ben Carson

Ben Carson

On today’s episode of General Hospital, famed and heroic neurologist Ben Carson discovers that he has an evil identical twin who has stolen his identity and is running for president.


young Carly Fiorina

Seth Poppel / Yearbook Library

Carly Fiorina

Carly Fiorina’s high school classmates voted her “Most Likely to Be Forced Out by the Hewlett-Packard Board of Directors,” which in retrospect was remarkably prescient.


young Donald Trump

Donald Trump

A young Donald Trump gets ready for lunch.


young Chris Christie

Chris Christie

Chris Christie wants to make sure we know that he ran with a pretty cool crowd.


young Rick Santorum

Rick Santorum

If you look very closely at this picture of young Rick Santorum, you can see his rage starting to build.


young John Kasich

John Kasich

John Kasich’s candidacy for the GOP nomination is basically a Manchurian Candidate situation, except instead of Red China it’s Peter, Paul and Mary.


young Rand Paul

www.classmates.com

Rand Paul

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooo, young Rand Paul!

(Saying “hello” for a long time is how I flirt with 35-year-old photos of Rand Paul.)


young Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz

Even at an early age, Ted Cruz was working hard to build up an impressive enemies list. (He’s basically just been going through the phone book.)


young Marco Rubio

Tampa Bay Times

Marco Rubio

Finally, here is a young Marco Rubio writing in his diary.


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