Hottest Heads of State

A scientific and unbiased ranking of world leaders in order of hotness.


Which New Candle Should We Make in 2019?

I haven’t asked her specifically, but I assume that one of the many things Kate loves about me is my insistence on making weird diorama-style candles with wax miniatures that no one buys. But I don’t want her to love me TOO much, so I need to narrow down my ideas. Can you help? Please tell us which of these candles you think we should conjure into existence. You’re smart and we’ll leave it up to you to figure out how to let us know.

(Actually, we’ll tell you one way you could let us know: Take out an ad in the Sunday New York Times. We subscribe to the New York Times so we will (probably) see your ad, if it is in close proximity to the crossword.)

Global Warming Candle

Global Warming Candle

We want our candles to be funny, and nothing is as funny as global warming.

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Amazing Poll Results

Thanks to everyone who voted in our election for the Hottest Head of State (or government) of the Internet. I hope you all made little “I voted” stickers and wore them around, because that’s a fun way to make your friends and coworkers feel confused and ashamed.

THE WINNER: Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck


With over 690 votes (691 votes, to be exact), the King of Bhutan is officially the most attractive world leader in the world. (At least in as far as anything on this web site is “official.”)

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You Decide: WHO IS THE HOTTEST HEAD OF STATE (or government)?

In what will definitely be the most important election to take place in all of 2015, this is your chance to vote for who gets the title of HOTTEST HEAD OF STATE (or government) IN THE WORLD.

You can probably sense what a tremendous responsibility this is by the way I am using all of this unnecessary boldface. I am trusting you to put aside your nationalist sentiments (I’m talking to you, creepily loyal citizens of Bhutan!) and cast your vote based on an impartial evaluation of the hotness of each nominee.

The poll will remain open until 11:59 pm (EST) on Tuesday, November 3. After that, we’ll stop accepting votes and update the list according to the results. Here are the candidates:

Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck, King of Bhutan

brentolson /

Jigme Khesar Wangchuck, King of Bhutan

A few points to consider:
• His official title is “Dragon King.” Hot!
• Last year he landed a spot on Vanity Fair’s International Best Dressed List. You have to admit, he does have a pretty sweet yellow scarf.
• Bhutan is consistently ranked one of the happiest countries in the world. I don’t know if you should count this for or against him though. Depends on how bitter and you are.

Enrique Peña Nieto

PresidenciaMX 2012-2018 / Wikimedia Commons

Enrique Peña Nieto, President of Mexico

• I think that, if we are being honest with ourselves, the President of Mexico has the most classically handsome features of all of the nominees.
• On the other hand, when he smiles it is terrifying.
• On the other hand, maybe you’re into that!

Justin Trudeau

World Bank Photo Collection

Justin Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada

• Perhaps you, like me, are tired of everyone in Canada being mad at me.
• Personally, there is nothing I find more attractive than an extremely attractive man holding a baby. And for some reason, Justin Trudeau is always holding babies.
• Finally, there’s this.

Now here is the part where you get to vote! You can also campaign for your favorite candidate by sharing this poll with your friends(I’m assuming that your friends are pretty easy to boss around.)

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Amazing Poll Results

So. Our first official poll has closed, and the people have spoken. (Well, technically the people have clicked. Maybe some people spoke, but we didn’t hear them.)

“In your opinion, who is the least attractive head of state? Kim Jon Il, Pope Benedict XVI, or Other.”

The “winner”: Kim Jong Il (52%)

We are sad to report that 52% of you are wrong. Kim Jong Il is not the least attractive head of state. He isn’t even the least attractive person mentioned in our poll.

That prize belongs to this “PollDaddy” character who we got the poll software from. I haven’t actually met or seen PollDaddy, but I don’t need to meet him to know he’s terrifying. I’m picturing a hairy, leather-clad, whip-wielding guy who makes me answer a series of tedious polls. Although to be fair, that’s what I was picturing for most of the day today.

First runner-up: Pope Benedict XVI (28%)

Another person who is less attractive than Kim Jong Il is the Pope, which is why we offered him as a voting option. One of us (Kate) was too terrified of the heavy-hitting Vatican City lobby to call the Pope out on our list for being the least attractive head of state, but we were hoping that the voting masses of the internet would vote for him and so provide us some cover. (Apparently, Kate is concerned that calling the Pope the least attractive leader would have hurt her ongoing campaign to secure an indulgence from the church for saying on this website that the Pope is the second-least-attractive world leader.)

But the simple fact is that the Pope is less attractive that Kim Jong Il. I suppose some of you – the same people who are whining about Barack Obama not being rated higher – have confused “hottest” with “nicest” or “person I like the most,” which is why you voted for Kim Jong Il over the Pope. It’s also probably why you asked your mom to go to prom with you.

Second runner-up: Your Mom (1 vote)

Well, see, there you go. Stop trying to put other people’s moms down. We all know how beautiful and sweet you think your mom is.

Third runner-up: Me (1 vote)

Wait…me? Does that mean you, or me? If it means you, does that mean you are actually a world leader? A world leader who feels down on yourself? If you’re Alexander Lukashenko, then I know someone who will be excited to hear about your low self-esteem.

Fourth runner-up: Kate (1 vote)

It’s Kate. Kate is the one who will be excited to hear that Lukashenko might be feeling sad and vulnerable. For that matter, she’s probably the one who voted for Kate, just so he would try to cheer her up.

Fifth runner-up: Hamad bin Khalifa, Emir of Qatar (1 vote)

This one actually makes some sense. I think you can make an intellectually honest argument for Emir Hamad being the least attractive of this bunch, although I think he is less conventionally unattractive than he is creepy-looking…there is a little bit of a Donner Party vibe to him. That said, I don’t think there is anything wrong with him that going on What Not to Wear wouldn’t fix.

Sixth runner-up: Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada (1 vote)

So, a few weeks ago, a financial blog posted a link to our hilarious piece on Stephen Harper, and out of the blue we were flooded with what I can only assume were visitors from Canada. (This assumption is based on the fact that – and Americans, please correct me if I’m wrong – Americans don’t know who the hell Stephen Harper is.)

Anyhow, our piece implied that PM Harper is something of a nancy. So I assumed that the Canadians wanting to read it were Liberal Party supporters, both because the Liberal Party is opposed to Harper, but also because the Liberals don’t tolerate pussies. But the piece also made fun of Canada, which I guess just goes to show you: even Canadians don’t take Canada seriously.

And finally, a special bonus math question. If one person voted for “Kate,” then based on the above percentages, how many people voted overall? Keep reading for the answer.

Answer: Three! All the votes were me, Kate and Derek, trying to make it look like more people visit this website.

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