You pull out your trusty phone and let loose another zinger at Jeb Bush. Hah! Sometimes you wish the primary could have gone on for longer, that there had been even more states where you could beat up on losers like Jeb Bush. It had been so exhilarating winning state after state against Jeb and Marco. But losing the popular vote to Hillary by a few million votes had really left a bad taste in your mouth. What if there had been 60 states? Or a hundred? You could have beaten Jeb and Marco in twice as many states!

That’s when it hits you. You’re the president! You can double the number of states any time you want to, probably. You buzz Reince into the room. “Reince, I want to create 50 more states. Let’s divide the big states, California and New York and Texas, into a bunch of smaller states. Now, how does that work? Do I need to issue an executive order, or do I have a button on my desk that creates new states?”

statue of libertyReince strokes his chin. “Mr. President, you might actually be onto something there. Now, I don’t see why we should divide California or New York up. But what if we did divide Texas into, say, 47 states. Each one would be Republican, each one would get two senators, and each one would still have more people in it than Wyoming. It would be a good way to ensure that real Americans continue to control the federal government, even as the number of non-real Americans continues to grow.”

You glare at him. “I said 50 more states, not 47.” Then you have another brilliant idea. “Let’s make Trump Tower New York, Trump Tower Chicago, and Mar-a-Lago states. I’ll be the governor of each one, and I’ll appoint all six senators.”

Reince laughs. “Sure, why the hell not. We have control over all three branches. For that matter, so long as we control all three branches and a majority of state legislatures, let’s pass some amendments to the U.S. Constitution. I feel like the 22nd Amendment has outlived its usefulness.”


Start Over