You know exactly what to wish for. There’s only ever been one thing you really wanted.

“Harrison, I wish for a billion dollars.”

The ghost of President Harrison shrugs. “I’d certainly rather give you a billion dollars than a second term in office.” He waves both of his hands in the air. “For the man who likes to squint, here are some bills straight from the mint!”

Just are you’re beginning to sputter about the squint thing, dozens of canvas sacks with money spilling out of them appear. Harrison’s ghost vanishes, and you peer inside one of the sacks. It’s stuffed with $100,000 bills. A billion dollars in cash! You never thought you’d see that much money in one place, but here it is!

Just as you’re inhaling the rich perfume of all of that money, the door to the Oval Office is kicked in and hits the ground with a loud thud. There’s a federal marshal standing behind it, and he’s holding a warrant.

“Mr. President, I’m Marshal Jones. I have a warrant for your arrest, and I’ll need you to come with me.”

Nervous, you glance around at the bags of cash. For the first time, you notice that they have “Federal Reserve Bank of New York” printed on the side. “Umm…on what charges?”

The marshal looks around the room. “For robbing the New York Fed, obviously. We got a tip that it was you.”

You pound your fist on the desk. “An anonymous tip? Against the president?”

The marshal shakes his head. “No, it wasn’t anonymous. It was the ghost of former president William Henry Harrison.”

marshalAfter you’re led out in small handcuffs, Harrison materializes in the Oval Office and smiles at the federal marshal. “Good collar, Jones.”

The marshal tips his hat to the ghost president. “As always, Mr. President, it’s been a pleasure working with you. Now let’s just hope no one tells him that legally, presidents can pardon themselves of any crime. That power is one of the many reasons it’s so dangerous having a president who doesn’t respect the informal but critical norms and customs of our democracy!”

The ghost of William Henry Harrison nods and laughs. “It sure is, Jones. It sure is.”


Start Over