You know exactly how to reduce the cost of a wall that is dozens of feet high.

“Reince, who decides how long a foot is?”

Your chief-of-staff responds immediately. “Well, Mr. President, the United States is a signatory to the 1959 International Yard and Foot Agreement, which set the length of a foot at ⅓ the length of a yard, and the length of a yard at .9144 the length of a meter. And, obviously, the meter is the length that light travels in a vacuum in 1/299,792,458 of a second. Why do you ask?”

You snap your fingers. “An international agreement? Signed in 1959? That’s right around the time America stopped being great! Reince, draft up an Executive order for the Bureau of Customs and Standards. I want to abrogate the International Yard and Foot Agreement, and set the length of a foot in the U.S. to…oh, let’s say the length of my thumb.”

Reince gasps. “But Mr. President, that’s so short!”

You smile broadly. “Also, please call my stock broker and tell him to invest in tape measure manufacturers. Something tells me they’re about to make some money!”


Start Over