You want to start off things off right, because every decision you make today will set the tone for the rest of your presidency. And so you think it’s important to make clear, from day one, that everything that goes wrong is someone else’s fault. You fire off a tweet noting that Obama has ungraciously failed to offer you one wish.

As the ghost of William Henry Harrison waits patiently, you start reading through the replies to your tweet. As it turns out, your fans have a lot of great ideas for what you should wish for. You look up at Harrison’s ghost.

“Am I allowed to wish for another politician to be killed?”

He sighs. “No. Although I must reluctantly inform you that thanks to the global war on terror, as president you have essentially unlimited power to order the extrajudicial killing of American citizens.”

You file that one away for later. “Hmm, good. Well, am I allowed to wish for someone to fall in love with me?”


“OK. Megyn Kelly!”

Harrison’s ghost stares at you for a long moment. “Umm…no. I’m not going to do that. Try again.”

Frustrated, you check your Twitter mentions again. Aha! There it is! One of your fans tweeted you the perfect wish idea. Thanks, @WhiteGenocide2000!