U.S. Department of Defense
At some point in their lives, every American memorizes the faces of all 43 U.S. presidents. But have you ever wondered what our vice presidents look like? No? Oh.
Um. I’m just going to leave this here:
The Vice Presidents of the United States: In Order of Hotness.
Because we don’t keep any secrets from you, readers, (except for the secret of where we’ve hidden our gold!) here are some of our favorite search terms that led people to Hottest Heads of State in 2015. Who knows, maybe one of these search terms was yours! (If so, please get in touch with us. We have some follow-up questions.)
This year, our New Year’s resolution was to write a list of fake New Year’s resolutions and ascribe them to various heads of state and government. Now we’re done, and we get to kick back and do nothing for the rest of the year. See you in January 2017, suckers!
Wikimedia Commons
“I know I say this every January, but this year I’m really going to invade South Korea. I just need to stay focused and not get distracted by other stuff once I’m back at work. If it’s April and I still haven’t invaded South Korea, I want you guys to call me on it.”
—Kim Jong-un, Supreme Leader of North Korea
What better way to celebrate Canada Day than by acknowledging the existence of Canada?
To that end, we present to you this list of all 22 Canadian prime ministers ranked in order of hotness.
Not a lot of people realize how attractive (almost) all of the U.S. presidents were when they were young. And I, for one, am tired of people not realizing this.
So for the sake of your history education, I submit to you photos of the U.S. presidents when they were young and hunky.
They are not ranked in order of hotness, because I couldn’t find a picture of every president in the same age range, and in a couple of cases I couldn’t find a youthful photo or portrait at all. In those instances I just substituted a a picture of Tommy Lee Jones or whoever. Enjoy!
This President’s Day, we are honoring America’s presidents by ranking them in order of hotness.
Still scrambling to come up with a Halloween costume that’s smart, sexy, and completely unrecognizable? Why not dress as a head of state! If nothing else, you’ll finally get to wear that suit you bought for job interviews.
But with over two hundred heads of state to choose from, how do you narrow it down to just one? Luckily for you, JD and I have nothing to do, so we’ve compiled this list of 12 Heads of State Who Would Make Great Halloween Costumes.
US Capitol
On July 4, 1776, fifty-six brave patriots gathered together in the boring city of Philadelphia to sign a document that later came to be known as the Declaration of Independence.* Now, 238 years later, some equally brave patriots (me and J.D.) are commemorating the occasion by ranking those signers in order of hotness.
Like our Founding Fathers before us, we also have a long list of grievances against the British government, but we will save that for another day.
*Actually, they just approved the final wording on July 4. Historians believe there never was an official signing ceremony, and instead Thomas Jefferson just forged everyone’s signatures.
Not a day goes by that we don’t get a phone call from some world leader wanting to know what he or she can do to improve their ranking on our totally arbitrary list of the hottest world leaders.
Since we simply don’t have time to field all of these phone calls, I have prepared this helpful guide entitled “How to Improve Your Ranking on HottestHeadsofState.com.”
Canadian prime minister Stephen Harper listens patiently to our hold music.*
