President of Kiribati
sbeebe / flickr.com
Q: Who is Anote Tong?
A: I don’t know!
Q: Oh. Well, it says at the top of the page that Anote Tong is the president of Kiribati. Where is Kiribati?
A: I don’t know!
Q: How exactly did you come to be in charge of answering these Frequently Asked Questions About Anote Tong?
A: BECAUSE I AM ANOTE TONG.
Q: Um. Really?
A: Yes.
Q: Then why can’t you answer any of these basic questions about Anote Tong?
A: Anote Tong is a man of mystery—even to me, Anote Tong!
Q: I’m getting a little suspicious. How do I know this is the real Anote Tong?
A: I tell you what. Buy a ticket right now to fly a ticket to Kiribati, and I will personally greet you at the airport.
Q: But I heard that the President of Kiribati personally greets ALL tourists at the airport!
A: That is an urban legend, which grew out of the fact that I frequently have to prove I am the real Anote Tong by agreeing to meet people in person at the airport.