Usually, you hate to see a bus drive off a cliff. But what if the bus is driving off a cliff because someone convinced the passengers that it was a good idea? Well, then at least you want to see that person where they belong: sitting in the front seat, as the bus tips over the edge and falls toward eternity.
I haven’t asked her specifically, but I assume that one of the many things Kate loves about me is my insistence on making weird diorama-style candles with wax miniatures that no one buys. But I don’t want her to love me TOO much, so I need to narrow down my ideas. Can you help? Please tell us which of these candles you think we should conjure into existence. You’re smart and we’ll leave it up to you to figure out how to let us know.
(Actually, we’ll tell you one way you could let us know: Take out an ad in the Sunday New York Times. We subscribe to the New York Times so we will (probably) see your ad, if it is in close proximity to the crossword.)
Global Warming Candle
We want our candles to be funny, and nothing is as funny as global warming.
It’s that time of year again: The time of year when you are forced to buy gifts for your friends and family members, and—in doing so—reveal that you know nothing about their hobbies, tastes, or interests.
As we’ve learned, democracy can be pretty scary. And sometimes, the scariest part is finding out election results. Let’s take a look at some of the most hair-raising potential outcomes we could see come out of the November midterms.
Just as Adam Smith predicted, the invisible hand of the free market guides Hallmark to churn out approximately five million new Christmas movies every year. That’s a lot! To help them out, we’ve come up with some plot ideas for next year. Hallmark is free to use these as long as they cast J.D. as the jerky boyfriend who gets dumped in favor of the more handsome guy who loves Christmas. (He will also accept “grizzled blue-collar guy who imparts hard-earned wisdom to the young, wealthy protagonist.”)
This Halloween, we’re continuing our tradition of asking world leaders to share their greatest fears with us. Unfortunately, world leaders are continuing their tradition of not responding to our inquiries, so we just made some stuff up. Read below, if you dare!
It’s a young Louis XIV! You would recognize those pouty lips anywhere.
France and America have had a special friendship ever since France bankrupted itself helping America win the Revolutionary War, triggering a violent and tumultuous upheaval in which millions perished. Now let’s celebrate the centuries of mutual affection between our two countries by ogling some hot French monarchs! (Or, as we like to call them, “Freedom monarchs.”)
The temperatures here in St. Louis are starting to dip from the mid-90s to the low-90s, which means that Halloween is just around the corner. And, as the parents of two young children, that means we need to start thinking about Halloween costumes for our Defective Candle.