Hottest Heads of State

A scientific and unbiased ranking of world leaders in order of hotness.

News

How to Launder Money (by buying rare and valuable candles)

Diagram showing how to launder money

For the most part, we cannot predict the future. And yet, we predict that over the next year or two, we’ll be reading a lot in the news about money laundering. Specifically, how foreign oligarchs use expensive real estate purchases in the U.S. to launder their money. This widespread practice is deeply corrosive…to our profits! You see, oligarchs could be laundering money just as easily with expensive candle purchases. If you happen to be an oligarch googling for money laundering tips, here’s an easy step-by-step guide.

Continue Reading

1 Comment on How to Launder Money (by buying rare and valuable candles)

New Candle Alert!

Titanic-Scented Candle

As an avid reader of this website, you already know that we have a candle business. What you may NOT know is that we sell about 80% of our candles between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I make them all by hand. And this means that by mid-December, my body is experiencing an accelerating cascade of physical breakdowns, much like the spacecraft in Apollo 13.

Fortunately, the solution to this problem is pretty obvious. (And no, it is not to hire someone.) It is to start making candles that people will buy at other times of the year. Like birthdays, baby showers, housewarmings, and the anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic.

Continue Reading

1 Comment on New Candle Alert!

LEAKED! Trump’s State of the Union, 2018

State of the Union

He looks like he has something fun planned!

An “extremely credible source” called my office and told me that this is a leaked copy of the State of the Union address the president will deliver to Congress on Jan 30, 2018.

This was unexpected, because I don’t have an office, but I still think the doc looks legit.

Continue Reading

Comments Off on LEAKED! Trump’s State of the Union, 2018

Editor’s Comments on our Manuscript

People have been enjoying the hilarious editor’s comments on awful person Milo Yiannopoulos’s book manuscript. Comments like, “This is definitely not the place for more of your narcissism,” “tiresome and off the point,” and “DELETE UGH.”

But the truth is that any mediocre writer trying to fake their way into a big book advance could end up with these kinds of comments, and we are no exception. In the interest of transparency, here are just a few of the comments our long-suffering editor made to the manuscript of our upcoming book, Hottest Heads of State: Volume One, the American Presidents.

Continue Reading

3 Comments on Editor’s Comments on our Manuscript

You Should Read Our Other Website

Because we are always coming up with ideas for new humor websites to create and then neglect, we’d like to introduce you to Ad Supplement.

Ad Supplement is the only website on the entire internet devoted to making fun of the ads in the New York Times Magazine. If you are a fan of Hottest Heads of State and you read the New York Times Magazine, then you are part of a very small subset of people who is going to love Ad Supplement! Maybe you can all get special hats made or something.

Comments Off on You Should Read Our Other Website