President of the High Transition of Authority of Madagascar
Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz!
Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz!
Andry Rajoelina rolled over in bed, fumbled about groggily on his nightstand and slapped the clock radio. Was it morning already? He knew he’d been up late working on his latest invention – a sunglasses-mounted laser for blinding jocks – but how could he be so sleepy? He blearily opened his eyes, looked at the time, and let out a startled “dang!” He’d overslept! He was late for school! Again!
Andry pulled on some clothes, grabbed his rocket-powered skateboard, blew a kiss to the poster of Alyssa Milano hanging on his wall, and ran out of the bedroom. His mom, watching TV in the kitchen, was startled – “Andry, you’re still here!? I thought you were already at school! One more tardy and Principal Bricker isn’t going to let you graduate!” Andry smirked, and quipped, “he’ll have to catch me first!” as he flew out the door, the rockets on his board already powering up.
Principal Bricker really had been on the warpath lately, but to be fair, he did have some good reasons to be upset.
First, there’d been the jello incident. Andry and Professor Eisenkratz had been trying to invent a new system for turning horses into glue, and by accident Andry discovered a way to produce vast quantities of gelatin using only a few gallons of glue, and a horse. Mid-terms had been coming up at school, and since Andry hadn’t studied, he thought he might just throw a monkeywrench in the process by filling the school with strawberry jello overnight.
But little did he know, Principal Bricker had suspected Andry would try to pull some sort of stunt, and he was hiding in a locker waiting to catch him. Bricker got stuck in jello and had to be rescued by firemen who cut a hole in the roof and lifted him out with a helicopter. As luck would have it, his pants got caught on the locker on the way up, and he was hoisted over the assembled school body in his boxers. Andry gave an impromptu speech to the student body extolling the virtues of cancelled tests, and the students went wild.
Then there was the time Andry became President of the High Authority of Transition of Madagascar.
While sitting at a school pep rally with his freshman girlfriend Brittney, Andry was struck with an inspiration. He’d run for homecoming king! Andry launched an insurgent campaign with the slogan “rock and roll all night, and party e-ver-e-day,” confident it would appeal to all the kids at Sunnyvale, from nerd to jock. But little did he know, there was another group of voters who love to rock and roll: the Malagasy! Andry’s campaign caught on like wildfire, and he was elected President of the High Authority of Transition (PHAT!) of Madagascar as a write-in.
Andry’s first official action as PHAT, after declaring Brittney’s birthday a national holiday, was to use Malagasy troops to stage a coup and depose Bricker as principal. Confronted by Andry’s commando squad, a red-faced Bricker had no choice but to follow Andry’s sole command: write “school sucks” on the blackboard 100 times. Oh no!
But that was weeks ago, and Bricker–still smarting from the humiliation of the jello incident–was just looking for an excuse to bust him. Andry took the last corner towards school, his skateboard tipping out on two wheels as he windmilled his arms to stay balanced. This was going to be a close one!
Author’s note: his real story is actually much crazier and funnier…I probably should have just pasted a link to the wikipedia entry about him instead of trying to write something. (Slightly less crazy and funny is the Malagasy wikipedia entry on him. It is, however, shorter.)