Tony Abbott is the prime minister of Australia—you know, the country shaped like this cornflake. He’s the leader of Australia’s Liberal Party, although “liberal” here means the opposite of what you think it means. It’s just like how summer down there is winter, and
WOAH, hold on. Where did this photo of shirtless Tony Abbott come from? I was just typing, and all of a sudden it appeared on my screen! I wonder how that happened. No big deal though, I guess. I’ll just delete it. Let’s see…I click here, then press the “delete” key, and now
GAH! Now there’s another one! I swear, all I wanted was to write a nice, family-friendly profile of Tony Abbott, maybe peppered with a few jokes about how Australia used to be a giant penal colony (and also still is a giant penal colony). But now these shirtless photos keep
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! What is this, some kind of sexy computer virus? Why do this many shirtless photos of Tony Abbott even exist? Doesn’t he have a job? A job that involves wearing pants? I don’t know much about the Australian political system, but I assumed
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? WHY DO THESE SHIRTLESS TONY ABBOTT PHOTOS STALK ME AT MY EVERY TURN? HOW CAN I EDUCATE PEOPLE ABOUT TONY ABBOTT’S STORIED POLITICAL CAREER WHEN I AM BEING BARRAGED WITH
OK, this whole thing is really starting to scare me. I’m just going to give up and turn off my computer, because that’s the only way I can think to—oh, hold on a sec, my doorbell just rang. Funny…I wasn’t expecting anyone. I wonder who it is!