Hottest Heads of State

A scientific and unbiased ranking of world leaders in order of hotness.

U.S. Presidents

Choose Your Own Adventure: You Are Donald Trump

WARNING!!

Do not read this story straight through from beginning to end. These web pages contain many different adventures you may have as U.S. president Donald Trump. From time to time as you read along, you will be asked to make a choice. Your choice may lead to disaster, a worse disaster, or—theoretically—middling success.

Continue Reading

2 Comments on Choose Your Own Adventure: You Are Donald Trump

Donald Trump’s July 21 NYT Interview, Illustrated

Since antiquity, illustrated manuscripts have helped bring clarity to confusing, ambiguous texts. And, like a monk toiling away in some secluded monastery, I have illustrated the transcript of Donald Trump’s July 21 interview with the New York Times. Its mysteries and occluded meanings have been brought to light, via the magic of the mechanical pencil Kate uses for crossword puzzles.

Continue Reading

1 Comment on Donald Trump’s July 21 NYT Interview, Illustrated

The Vice Presidents of the United States: In Order of Hotness

Dan Quayle

U.S. Department of Defense

At some point in their lives, every American memorizes the faces of all 43 U.S. presidents. But have you ever wondered what our vice presidents look like? No? Oh.

Um. I’m just going to leave this here:
The Vice Presidents of the United States: In Order of Hotness.

Comments Off on The Vice Presidents of the United States: In Order of Hotness

Let’s Help the Democrats Choose a Vice President

Last week we gave the remaining GOP candidates some suggestions on who they should choose as running mates. But now the Democratic candidates are (probably) saying, “What about us? We don’t know who to choose as running mates either! And we need some ideas, or we’ll end up just picking someone at random from the crowd at the convention, like Kerry did with John Edwards.”

Continue Reading

1 Comment on Let’s Help the Democrats Choose a Vice President

The Presidents of the United States: When They Were Young and Hunky

Young Theodore Roosevelt

Not a lot of people realize how attractive (almost) all of the U.S. presidents were when they were young. And I, for one, am tired of people not realizing this.

So for the sake of your history education, I submit to you photos of the U.S. presidents when they were young and hunky.

They are not ranked in order of hotness, because I couldn’t find a picture of every president in the same age range, and in a couple of cases I couldn’t find a youthful photo or portrait at all. In those instances I just substituted a a picture of Tommy Lee Jones or whoever. Enjoy!

Comments Off on The Presidents of the United States: When They Were Young and Hunky