Most people don’t realize how vulnerable their homes are to infiltration by former president and ancient swamp monster John Tyler. Here are 10 ways that John Tyler is able to enter your house, so he can build a nest and lay his eggs.
To celebrate the heartwarming friendship between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin, learn how to make your own Trump puppet…out of candles! (And turn off your volume, unless you have a weirdly cool workplace.)
NOTE: The Trump and Putin Candles used in this video are available from our Etsy store.
If you are eating right now, stop eating! You are about to see presidents of the United States wearing bathing suits, and it is an experience that is incompatible with the digestion of food.
You might be wondering, “Is this safe to view at work?” The answer is that it depends on where you work. If you’re not sure, ask the HR department if your office has a policy on looking at pictures of the presidents in bathing suits during work hours.
Do not read this story straight through from beginning to end. These web pages contain many different adventures you may have as U.S. president Donald Trump. From time to time as you read along, you will be asked to make a choice. Your choice may lead to disaster, a worse disaster, or—theoretically—middling success.
You might be blissfully unaware of this, but there is a whole culture of Trump supporters who use their free time and rudimentary knowledge of Photoshop to create pro-Trump “memes” to be distributed on Twitter.
Like scientists trekking deep into the fever swamps to collect an exotic tropical virus, we scrolled through literally tens of thousands of pro-Trump tweets to pick out some of the most bizarre images. And then we wrote captions for them, because that is what we do.
Since antiquity, illustrated manuscripts have helped bring clarity to confusing, ambiguous texts. And, like a monk toiling away in some secluded monastery, I have illustrated the transcript of Donald Trump’s July 21 interview with the New York Times. Its mysteries and occluded meanings have been brought to light, via the magic of the mechanical pencil Kate uses for crossword puzzles.
At some point in their lives, every American memorizes the faces of all 43 U.S. presidents. But have you ever wondered what our vice presidents look like? No? Oh.
Um. I’m just going to leave this here:
The Vice Presidents of the United States: In Order of Hotness.
Last week we gave the remaining GOP candidates some suggestions on who they should choose as running mates. But now the Democratic candidates are (probably) saying, “What about us? We don’t know who to choose as running mates either! And we need some ideas, or we’ll end up just picking someone at random from the crowd at the convention, like Kerry did with John Edwards.”
Running for president of the United States is practically a full-time job. And when you spend all your time shaking hands, kissing babies, and trying to shame your opponent’s wife, suddenly the day is over and you haven’t even had time to think about who will run the country if you die or (almost inevitably, with this crew) are impeached!