Shopping for presents for anyone other than yourself is horrible. But we’re here to help you out with some easy, last-minute gift ideas that you can give to literally anyone, as long as you don’t care about taking their interests/taste/etc. into account.
It goes without saying that you have already preordered several copies of our book, Hottest Heads of State, so that you have one for each room of your house. But did you know you can also give it as a Christmas or Hanukkah gift, even though it doesn’t come out until January 30? All you need is glue, a printer, and the courage to give something you printed out and glued together as a gift.
Gift #1: A Personalized Letter From Us, JD and Kate
What’s great about this gift is that it requires little to no effort on your part. All you have to do is print it out, fill in a few blanks, wrap it in a deceptively large box, and your holiday shopping is done! But if you want to make this gift extra-special, here are a few suggestions:
1. Print it on comically oversized paper. Our local FedEx Office mistakenly printed ours on a piece of 11×17-inch paper, and it is glorious. You can even go further and make it into a 24 x 36-inch poster! The only limits are your imagination and the capabilities of your local FedEx Office.
2. Have it framed. The next time you visit the gift recipient’s home, express hurt and confusion if the framed letter is not displayed prominently over the mantle, or perhaps above their bed, nailed to the ceiling.
3. Stain the paper with tea and/or singe the edges to make it look really old. Then place it in a wooden chest and bury it somewhere in your backyard. This doesn’t really work as a holiday gift, but what a treat for the archaeologist or homicide detective who finds it someday!
Gift #2: Fake Book Jacket
In anticipation that your loved ones will be ashamed to be seen reading our book, we have designed a fake book jacket that will deceive onlookers into thinking that they are reading Marcel Proust’s famous novel, In Search of Lost Time.
1. Download the files below and print them out. In order to fit our book perfectly, they will need to be printed at 100% scale, in landscape mode, on 11×17-inch paper. (Or, if you don’t care about the book jacket fitting over our actual book because you don’t think the gift recipient will actually use it, you can just print them on a regular printer.)
2. Fold the paper in the appropriate places. You know what a book jacket looks like, right?
3. Apply glue to the area that says “Apply glue.” This is where the book spine should be placed when gluing the two pieces of paper together.
4. Now you’re ready to start enjoying your fake book jacket! Just like with pants, it’s OK to use it yourself for a while before giving it as a gift.
Please note that both of these gifts heavily imply that you have preordered a copy of our book, Hottest Heads of State, for the gift recipient, possibly from one of the vendors linked to below. But you don’t technically have to do this, as long as you don’t mind instilling feelings of mistrust and confusion in the minds of your friends and loved ones!