You probably think you don’t know anyone from Missouri. Well, check it out: I’m from Missouri! And I’m guessing there are two things you want to know about my home state: Where it is, and what the deal is with our governor.
As to the location of Missouri, it is a secret. But as to our governor, please allow me to answer your hypothetical questions. And a warning: like everything in the Show-Me State, this gets a little racy!
A good way to learn about world history is to glance through a series of foreign leaders’ portraits and imagine what kinds of things might have happened under their rule. Here, we’ll help!
Afterwards, if you want even more help learning about France, check out part one of this two-part series. There; now it’s like you earned two degrees in French history!
As an avid reader of this website, you already know that we have a candle business. What you may NOT know is that we sell about 80% of our candles between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I make them all by hand. And this means that by mid-December, my body is experiencing an accelerating cascade of physical breakdowns, much like the spacecraft in Apollo 13.
Fortunately, the solution to this problem is pretty obvious. (And no, it is not to hire someone.) It is to start making candles that people will buy at other times of the year. Like birthdays, baby showers, housewarmings, and the anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic.
One thing you might get to do if you write a book is go on a book tour. This means going to bookstores in different cities, talking about and/or reading from your book, and signing copies.
As you may know, we wrote a book, and we went on a whirlwind tour of bookstores in St. Louis and Washington, D.C. And yes, it is still a tour if it’s just two cities. (If it’s just one city, it’s a residency, like Britney Spears is doing in Las Vegas.)
Anyhow, our book tour was a wild ride! Do you want to hear about it? No? Too late!
Do you see how we’ve conveniently arranged our book so it’s between two less-appealing books, in order to make it pop? If you want to help us out, that’s something you can do at your local Barnes & Noble. Just place a few copies in the “#1 Bestsellers” section. If any employees challenge you, tell them you’re Barnes & Noble CEO Demos Parneros.
An “extremely credible source” called my office and told me that this is a leaked copy of the State of the Union address the president will deliver to Congress on Jan 30, 2018.
This was unexpected, because I don’t have an office, but I still think the doc looks legit.
I regret to inform you that it’s time for our annual report on top search terms. As you may recall from the 2015 and 2016 editions, in this report we look at some of the search terms that brought people to this website, in an attempt to satisfy the public’s bottomless hunger for search-related humor.
Are you as excited as we are about the Jan 30 release of our book? Almost assuredly not!
But this calendar will help you build a sense of feverish, edge-of-your seat anticipation as you count down the 30 days until the book’s launch. Each day you’ll open a new compartment, but instead of a fun toy or a piece of candy, you’ll get…a weird joke. But at least it will be free, since you can print out and assemble the calendar yourself.
People have been enjoying the hilarious editor’s comments on awful person Milo Yiannopoulos’s book manuscript. Comments like, “This is definitely not the place for more of your narcissism,” “tiresome and off the point,” and “DELETE UGH.”
But the truth is that any mediocre writer trying to fake their way into a big book advance could end up with these kinds of comments, and we are no exception. In the interest of transparency, here are just a few of the comments our long-suffering editor made to the manuscript of our upcoming book, Hottest Heads of State: Volume One, the American Presidents.
