Every year, I make the same New Year’s Resolution.

“JD, make this the year that you finally quit writing an end-of-year list about Top Search Terms. No one cares about what people googled to find your site. In fact, it probably creeps them out that you can see what search terms brought here. Plus, every time you write something about people searching for “Mark Rutte Shirtless,” it just results in even more web traffic from people looking for shirtless photos of Dutch PM Mark Rutte!”

This is all true. It’s also true that in 2019, I intended to exercise more, eat healthier, and stop wasting so much time making tiny objects out of candlewax. And yet, here we are. Following are some of our favorite search terms that brought people to hottestheadsofstate.com in 2019.

who all got to sign the declaration of independence

I was going to make fun of this person for saying “who all got to,” but then I misspelled “independence” when typing their question, so the joke is on me.

richard nixon cat

No one can ever know for sure. But it’s worth asking: Would Watergate have played out differently if Richard Nixon had been a cat?

world head of states electronic mail contact list 2018

You know that an email from someone who says “electronic mail” is going to be good.

fattest presidents in order

Wait, in order of what?

eyebrow president

But are Americans ready to elect an eyebrow as president? Let’s just put an eyebrow on the ticket as VP and see how it goes.

facts about emmanuel macron for kids

He married his teacher!

why should i visit the truman library

The fact that you’re asking this question tells me that you don’t deserve to visit the Truman library.

hottest heads of state全球领导人颜值

Google translate tells me this means “global leader,” so now you know how to write “global leader” in Mandarin. This will come in handy in case you want to apply for a job in China and lie extravagantly on your resume.

least presidential presidents

On the one hand, this feels like a logic puzzle, since by definition, all presidents are presidential. It’s like asking “who are the least American Americans?”

On the other hand, the answer is Trump.

trump thor artwork


pictures of presidents in order of service


سكس فديوترام ارايس امركي

According to my graduate school transcripts, I am proficient in Arabic. And I just proved it, by recognizing the words “Sexy” and “American” in this search term. (Google translate, on the other hand, says it means “RSS feed.”)

pictures of handsome men in lebanon

Why HERE YOU GO. It’s me! That’s what you were looking for, right?

most handsome president in the world 2015

“You see, I’ve got a time machine that only travels to 2015.”

unbiased rankings of the president of the united states

You have come to the wrong place, my friend.

calvin coolidge haircut

This is what you tell them at GreatClips. “Nothing fancy today, just make me look like Calvin Coolidge.”

list of young canada female prime ministers

Hmm. Will you accept a single photo of Kim Campbell instead?

Kim Campbell

gaddafi fanfiction

This is what they call the long tail.

(And to be clear, I am referring to the way the internet creates extremely niche markets for content. I am not proposing Ghaddafi fan fiction in which he has a long tail.)

bizarre facts about emmanuel macron

Once Angela Merkel steps down, he is the de facto leader of the free world.

horrible fact about president macron


what color eyebrow does theodore roosevelt have


long suffering editor

Your long-suffering editor would like you to hyphenate long-suffering.

did anything happen to john adams life when he signed the decleration

Nope. He just went back to being an attorney in Boston.

new book out on four presidents in their youth

No offense but that book sounds terrible. If you want to read a new book about the presidents, try ours! It has ALL of them!

the scariest looking u.s. presidents in order

Oh crap. We should do this for Halloween this year. Don’t let us forget!

(Actually we might expand it out, because this feature has John C. Calhoun written all over it.)

who where the sinners of the declaration of independence

All of them.

the american presidents according to their line up from 01 to 43 their names and years. i like this history

And I like your enthusiasm for internet research!

most hot headed male are intelligent

This is what I keep telling Kate!

photograph james garfield without his beard

We will consent to this request.

eisenhower hairy chest

I dunno. It seems unlikely.

us presidents list in order with dates

What if we did a list where we assigned each president a date from their respective presidential time periods? Ronald Reagan, and…Angela Lansbury! Ulysses S. Grant, and…Susan B. Anthony!

fanfiction fiction

What if I wrote some fan fiction about Kate writing fan fiction? Like, Vladimir Putin finds out about her Putin fan fiction and has her kidnapped, and forces her to write new chapters?

kate putin

As I was saying.


YES. I had forgotten all about Fakecoin. Which is good, because the best thing to do with your investments is let them sit there and accumulate value.

rand paul young

Wait…Rand Paul isn’t young right now? I just assumed he was a callow, privileged, 16-year-old who’d been reading too much Ayn Rand.

sexiest woman alive 2018

Boy, I really feel like “alive” is redundant here.

talon want to poison yayi boni but the secret is open

Well now it is.

emmanuel macron unknown fact

The exact number of cells in his body.

hot states

All of them, eventually. You just have to be patient.