An “extremely credible source” called my office and told me that this is a leaked copy of the State of the Union address the president will deliver to Congress on Jan 30, 2018.
I regret to inform you that it’s time for our annual report on top search terms. As you may recall from the 2015 and 2016 editions, in this report we look at some of the search terms that brought people to this website, in an attempt to satisfy the public’s bottomless hunger for search-related humor.
Are you as excited as we are about the Jan 30 release of our book? Almost assuredly not!
But this calendar will help you build a sense of feverish, edge-of-your seat anticipation as you count down the 30 days until the book’s launch. Each day you’ll open a new compartment, but instead of a fun toy or a piece of candy, you’ll get…a weird joke. But at least it will be free, since you can print out and assemble the calendar yourself.
People have been enjoying the hilarious editor’s comments on awful person Milo Yiannopoulos’s book manuscript. Comments like, “This is definitely not the place for more of your narcissism,” “tiresome and off the point,” and “DELETE UGH.”
But the truth is that any mediocre writer trying to fake their way into a big book advance could end up with these kinds of comments, and we are no exception. In the interest of transparency, here are just a few of the comments our long-suffering editor made to the manuscript of our upcoming book, Hottest Heads of State: Volume One, the American Presidents.
Just as Adam Smith predicted, the invisible hand of the free market guides Hallmark to churn out approximately five million new Christmas movies every year. That’s a lot! To help them out, we’ve come up with some plot ideas for next year. Hallmark is free to use these as long as they cast J.D. as the jerky boyfriend who gets dumped in favor of the more handsome guy who loves Christmas. (He will also accept “grizzled blue-collar guy who imparts hard-earned wisdom to the young, wealthy protagonist.”)