So. Our first official poll has closed, and the people have spoken. (Well, technically the people have clicked. Maybe some people spoke, but we didn’t hear them.)

“In your opinion, who is the least attractive head of state? Kim Jon Il, Pope Benedict XVI, or Other.”

The “winner”: Kim Jong Il (52%)

We are sad to report that 52% of you are wrong. Kim Jong Il is not the least attractive head of state. He isn’t even the least attractive person mentioned in our poll.

That prize belongs to this “PollDaddy” character who we got the poll software from. I haven’t actually met or seen PollDaddy, but I don’t need to meet him to know he’s terrifying. I’m picturing a hairy, leather-clad, whip-wielding guy who makes me answer a series of tedious polls. Although to be fair, that’s what I was picturing for most of the day today.

First runner-up: Pope Benedict XVI (28%)

Another person who is less attractive than Kim Jong Il is the Pope, which is why we offered him as a voting option. One of us (Kate) was too terrified of the heavy-hitting Vatican City lobby to call the Pope out on our list for being the least attractive head of state, but we were hoping that the voting masses of the internet would vote for him and so provide us some cover. (Apparently, Kate is concerned that calling the Pope the least attractive leader would have hurt her ongoing campaign to secure an indulgence from the church for saying on this website that the Pope is the second-least-attractive world leader.)

But the simple fact is that the Pope is less attractive that Kim Jong Il. I suppose some of you – the same people who are whining about Barack Obama not being rated higher – have confused “hottest” with “nicest” or “person I like the most,” which is why you voted for Kim Jong Il over the Pope. It’s also probably why you asked your mom to go to prom with you.

Second runner-up: Your Mom (1 vote)

Well, see, there you go. Stop trying to put other people’s moms down. We all know how beautiful and sweet you think your mom is.

Third runner-up: Me (1 vote)

Wait…me? Does that mean you, or me? If it means you, does that mean you are actually a world leader? A world leader who feels down on yourself? If you’re Alexander Lukashenko, then I know someone who will be excited to hear about your low self-esteem.

Fourth runner-up: Kate (1 vote)

It’s Kate. Kate is the one who will be excited to hear that Lukashenko might be feeling sad and vulnerable. For that matter, she’s probably the one who voted for Kate, just so he would try to cheer her up.

Fifth runner-up: Hamad bin Khalifa, Emir of Qatar (1 vote)

This one actually makes some sense. I think you can make an intellectually honest argument for Emir Hamad being the least attractive of this bunch, although I think he is less conventionally unattractive than he is creepy-looking…there is a little bit of a Donner Party vibe to him. That said, I don’t think there is anything wrong with him that going on What Not to Wear wouldn’t fix.

Sixth runner-up: Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada (1 vote)

So, a few weeks ago, a financial blog posted a link to our hilarious piece on Stephen Harper, and out of the blue we were flooded with what I can only assume were visitors from Canada. (This assumption is based on the fact that – and Americans, please correct me if I’m wrong – Americans don’t know who the hell Stephen Harper is.)

Anyhow, our piece implied that PM Harper is something of a nancy. So I assumed that the Canadians wanting to read it were Liberal Party supporters, both because the Liberal Party is opposed to Harper, but also because the Liberals don’t tolerate pussies. But the piece also made fun of Canada, which I guess just goes to show you: even Canadians don’t take Canada seriously.

And finally, a special bonus math question. If one person voted for “Kate,” then based on the above percentages, how many people voted overall? Keep reading for the answer.

Answer: Three! All the votes were me, Kate and Derek, trying to make it look like more people visit this website.

Bengt Nyman / Wikimedia Commons

A local man created a real headache at rush hour by blocking traffic with a shopping cart, and commuters are asking why authorities didn’t act faster to remove him.

The man, who was dressed in costume, had wrapped a shopping cart in cardboard and painted it to look like a sailing ship. While sitting in the cart, he used a toilet plunger to push his “ship” into the slow lane on the Interbelt at exit 41. Eyewitnesses say that the man was throwing water balloons at cars, drinking from a bottle of wine hand-labeled “aquavit,” and yelling about control of the seas.

Police say the man appears to be mentally ill, and believes he is King Carl XVI Gustav of Sweden. He has been taken to Lutheran Memorial for further evaluation.

Next up, weather. Judy, are we going to get any rain this weekend?

Amanda Lucidon / White House

It seems like almost every day, someone asks me “J.D., what is the difference between the Republic of the Congo, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo?” Usually, I just say “Kate, go back to sleep, it’s the middle of the night and I don’t feel like talking about the Congo.” But perhaps it is time to address this vexing question once and for all.

It has to be said that I can hardly blame Kate…superficially, these two countries have a lot in common.

First, their names are very similar.

President of Serbia

ds.org.rs

You don’t have to say goodbye.

Death is part of the endless cycle of life, and all of us have lost loved ones. All too often, death comes too soon to have one last conversation. But what if there were another way? What if we could speak through the veil of death and tell our loved ones those things we wish we had?

We can.

Among us, there are those with the gift to speak with the spirits, and to hear their voices. Serbian President Boris Tadić is one of those chosen few, and he is willing to share his gift with you.

Prime Minister of East Timor

Antonio Cruz / Agência Brasil

Xanana Gusmão looks like the kind of guy you could have a jam session with. After that, he’d probably read you some poetry, and then give you a massage. And then the massage would turn into… something else.

Actually, Xanana doesn’t just look like that kind of guy, he is that guy! I know, because that’s how he became leader of a country that previously didn’t exist.