kremlin.ru
Recently I had the imaginary privilege of interviewing Alexander Lukashenko, president of Belarus. The imaginary transcript is below.
Kate: Mr. President, it is an honor to meet you and your mustache.
Lukashenko: Yes.
Kate: Um…may I call you Alex?
Alex: No.
U.S. State Department
The DRC is very hot right now. Well, actually it is not as hot as it normally is, since I’m writing this in July and it’s “winter” there. But it is normally very hot! It is also a “hot-bed” of violent insurrection (also a year-round, every-year occurrence)! And, of course, it has one of the hottest world leaders in Joseph Kabila. Are these things related? Probably.
At first glance, Kabila stands out among his African peers, because he doesn’t have scars on his face. Most African leaders have scars, because they macheted their way to power in the bush. Kabila, however, was born into power as a result of the violent and bloodthirsty work of his father. Sadly, Kabila’s father (also named Kabila, interestingly enough) died shortly after seizing power, due to complications associated with multiple machete wounds to the face. 🙁 But that leaves his son Joseph to rise to the top(ish) of our charts!
