teamfinland / flickr.com
“Oh hi, are you the guy from tech support? So look, I don’t know how I got this malware on my computer. I swear I haven’t been downloading anything and…”
“Wait, I must interrupt you! I am not from tech support. I am Juha Sipilä, the Prime Minister of Finland!”
“Oh…umm, well, hi. Should I call you Prime Minister?”
“Please just call me Juha!”
“OK, Juha. So…do you know anything about computers?”
“Of course! I am an engineer by training, and the former CEO of Finnish software firm Elektrobit. Or at least that’s what my Wikipedia entry says. Ha, ha!”
“What?”
“Nothing. Listen, I will happy to fix your computer problem for you.”
“Do you really have time for that?”
“Of course! In Finland we work many fewer hours per year than you Americans do. Not as few as, say, the Germans or Dutch–those Germans and Dutch are so notoriously lazy, ha ha!–but a lot fewer than you.”
“Huh, OK. Why don’t you take a look. So what brings you here, anyway?”
“I will be frank. There is very little for the Prime Minister of Finland to do. Our per-capita income, health, athletics, gender equality and distribution of wealth are among the best in the world. We’ve been ranked first in press freedom, educational system, and use of information technology. Climate change is causing our country to literally rise up out of the sea. I could go on. The bottom line is that prime minister of Finland is a pretty boring job. As a result, I’m traveling the earth looking for excitement.”
“Well, I’m sorry I couldn’t help you then, maybe you…”
“Aha! Done! I have cleared the malware from your computer, and you should be fine now. No more downloading porn, OK! Ha, ha! Boy, what a rush! OK, I’m off. Näkemiin, and wish me luck!”
“But wait, you accidentally left a stack of Euros on my desk!”
“You look like you need it! Farewell, my friend! And please, remember Finland the next time Russia invades us!”