Are you as excited as we are about the Jan 30 release of our book? Almost assuredly not!
But this calendar will help you build a sense of feverish, edge-of-your seat anticipation as you count down the 30 days until the book’s launch. Each day you’ll open a new compartment, but instead of a fun toy or a piece of candy, you’ll get…a weird joke. But at least it will be free, since you can print out and assemble the calendar yourself.
1) Print out this pdf file. Generally speaking, you should be cautious about opening pdfs on websites, since they can contain malware. But we double super pinky swear that we didn’t put any malware in these. Our New Year’s resolution is “Stop trying to infect our readers’ computers with malware.” And, lose weight.
2) Using a sharp knife, cut along the dotted lines on sheets A and B. (Or use your teeth, or a shard of broken glass, or whatever; we’re not telling you how to live your life.)
3) Glue sheet A to sheet C, and sheet B to sheet D. We used clear gel tacky glue but probably anything will work. (NOT super glue, though. We don’t want you showing up to work after New Year’s with a weird calendar glued to your hand. If you get fired, you’ll be less likely to shell out $20 for our book!)
4) Mount the calendar on the ceiling over your bed so you start each day of January right. (Specifically, you want to start each day waking up from an erotic dream about President Franklin Pierce.)
Assembling the calendar is, unfortunately, kind of a pain. If you do it, send us a photo and we’ll post it here, partly to thank you but mainly as a marketing ploy.