Hottest Heads of State

A scientific and unbiased ranking of world leaders in order of hotness.

Hottest Heads of State Countdown Calendar

Hottest Heads of State Countdown Calendar

Are you as excited as we are about the Jan 30 release of our book? Almost assuredly not!

But this calendar will help you build a sense of feverish, edge-of-your seat anticipation as you count down the 30 days until the book’s launch. Each day you’ll open a new compartment, but instead of a fun toy or a piece of candy, you’ll get…a weird joke. But at least it will be free, since you can print out and assemble the calendar yourself.

Continue Reading

2 Comments on Hottest Heads of State Countdown Calendar

Editor’s Comments on our Manuscript

People have been enjoying the hilarious editor’s comments on awful person Milo Yiannopoulos’s book manuscript. Comments like, “This is definitely not the place for more of your narcissism,” “tiresome and off the point,” and “DELETE UGH.”

But the truth is that any mediocre writer trying to fake their way into a big book advance could end up with these kinds of comments, and we are no exception. In the interest of transparency, here are just a few of the comments our long-suffering editor made to the manuscript of our upcoming book, Hottest Heads of State: Volume One, the American Presidents.

Continue Reading

3 Comments on Editor’s Comments on our Manuscript

Check Out These New Made-for-TV Christmas Movies

Just as Adam Smith predicted, the invisible hand of the free market guides Hallmark to churn out approximately five million new Christmas movies every year. That’s a lot! To help them out, we’ve come up with some plot ideas for next year. Hallmark is free to use these as long as they cast J.D. as the jerky boyfriend who gets dumped in favor of the more handsome guy who loves Christmas. (He will also accept “grizzled blue-collar guy who imparts hard-earned wisdom to the young, wealthy protagonist.”)

Continue Reading

Comments Off on Check Out These New Made-for-TV Christmas Movies

Easy, Last-Minute Gifts That You Can Make Right Now

Fake book jacket

Shopping for presents for anyone other than yourself is horrible. But we’re here to help you out with some easy, last-minute gift ideas that you can give to literally anyone, as long as you don’t care about taking their interests/taste/etc. into account.

It goes without saying that you have already preordered several copies of our book, Hottest Heads of State, so that you have one for each room of your house. But did you know you can also give it as a Christmas or Hanukkah gift, even though it doesn’t come out until January 30? All you need is glue, a printer, and the courage to give something you printed out and glued together as a gift.

Continue Reading

2 Comments on Easy, Last-Minute Gifts That You Can Make Right Now

JD and Kate Visit the John Tyler Presidential Museum and Swamp Lair

We hope you enjoy this special Halloween edition of our presidential museum reviews. If you’d like to learn more misinformation about John Tyler, we humbly recommend this.

John Tyler museum entrance

The walkway to the museum entrance has a warning sign urging visitors to make sure they’re back over dry land by dark.

The John Tyler Presidential Museum and Swamp Lair

Great Dismal Swamp, VA
Adults: $10 | Children under 12: $5

Kate: To reach the John Tyler Presidential Museum and Swamp Lair, you have to drive 60 miles off the main highway into the Great Dismal Swamp National Wildlife Refuge that straddles the Virginia/North Carolina border.

JD: I like that they call it a swamp instead of a “forested wetland.” It is a swamp. You can smell it for a mile before you get there. If you had to pick one word to describe it, it would be “slimy.”

Kate: If I had to pick one word, it would be “swampy.”

JD: And, appropriately, it’s the home of the only swamp monster to serve as U.S. president: John Tyler.

Continue Reading

2 Comments on JD and Kate Visit the John Tyler Presidential Museum and Swamp Lair

Hottest Heads of State Through History: French Monarchs

Louis XIV young

It’s a young Louis XIV! You would recognize those pouty lips anywhere.

France and America have had a special friendship ever since France bankrupted itself helping America win the Revolutionary War, triggering a violent and tumultuous upheaval in which millions perished. Now let’s celebrate the centuries of mutual affection between our two countries by ogling some hot French monarchs! (Or, as we like to call them, “Freedom monarchs.”)

Continue Reading

4 Comments on Hottest Heads of State Through History: French Monarchs

The Presidents of the United States: In Order of Best Eyebrows

Richard Nixon's right eyebrow

You might not know this about me, but the main thing I look for in a man is a nice pair of eyebrows. If a guy with mediocre eyebrows approaches me, I tell him, “Sorry, not interested.” Then when he says, “Um, I was just wondering if you could give me directions to the metro?” I say “No way.”

Continue Reading

2 Comments on The Presidents of the United States: In Order of Best Eyebrows
News

We Are Updating Our List

News

How to Launder Money (by buying rare and valuable candles)

FAQ

Hottest Heads of State Explains: NATO