We have an exciting announcement: We are pivoting from humor writing to cryptocurrency. Here’s how it will work.
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I regret to inform you that it’s time for our annual report on top search terms. As you may recall from the 2015 and 2016 editions, in this report we look at some of the search terms that brought people to this website, in an attempt to satisfy the public’s bottomless hunger for search-related humor.
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Are you as excited as we are about the Jan 30 release of our book? Almost assuredly not!
But this calendar will help you build a sense of feverish, edge-of-your seat anticipation as you count down the 30 days until the book’s launch. Each day you’ll open a new compartment, but instead of a fun toy or a piece of candy, you’ll get…a weird joke. But at least it will be free, since you can print out and assemble the calendar yourself.
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People have been enjoying the hilarious editor’s comments on awful person Milo Yiannopoulos’s book manuscript. Comments like, “This is definitely not the place for more of your narcissism,” “tiresome and off the point,” and “DELETE UGH.”
But the truth is that any mediocre writer trying to fake their way into a big book advance could end up with these kinds of comments, and we are no exception. In the interest of transparency, here are just a few of the comments our long-suffering editor made to the manuscript of our upcoming book, Hottest Heads of State: Volume One, the American Presidents.
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Shopping for presents for anyone other than yourself is horrible. But we’re here to help you out with some easy, last-minute gift ideas that you can give to literally anyone, as long as you don’t care about taking their interests/taste/etc. into account.
It goes without saying that you have already preordered several copies of our book, Hottest Heads of State, so that you have one for each room of your house. But did you know you can also give it as a Christmas or Hanukkah gift, even though it doesn’t come out until January 30? All you need is glue, a printer, and the courage to give something you printed out and glued together as a gift.
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Alert! We wrote a book. The title is Hottest Heads of State, Volume 1: The American Presidents. It is coming out on January 30, 2018, and you can buy it right this second.
But first, perhaps you have some questions.
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We hope you enjoy this special Halloween edition of our presidential museum reviews. If you’d like to learn more misinformation about John Tyler, we humbly recommend this.
The walkway to the museum entrance has a warning sign urging visitors to make sure they’re back over dry land by dark.
The John Tyler Presidential Museum and Swamp Lair
Great Dismal Swamp, VA
Adults: $10 | Children under 12: $5
Kate: To reach the John Tyler Presidential Museum and Swamp Lair, you have to drive 60 miles off the main highway into the Great Dismal Swamp National Wildlife Refuge that straddles the Virginia/North Carolina border.
JD: I like that they call it a swamp instead of a “forested wetland.” It is a swamp. You can smell it for a mile before you get there. If you had to pick one word to describe it, it would be “slimy.”
Kate: If I had to pick one word, it would be “swampy.”
JD: And, appropriately, it’s the home of the only swamp monster to serve as U.S. president: John Tyler.
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It’s a young Louis XIV! You would recognize those pouty lips anywhere.
France and America have had a special friendship ever since France bankrupted itself helping America win the Revolutionary War, triggering a violent and tumultuous upheaval in which millions perished. Now let’s celebrate the centuries of mutual affection between our two countries by ogling some hot French monarchs! (Or, as we like to call them, “Freedom monarchs.”)
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