When we’re young, the world is a like a glowing dream, full of joy and promise. But as we age, its coldness is gradually revealed. It is a bleak and heartless place where people treat each other, at best, with indifference.

Take, for example, this copy of our book Hottest Heads of State, which we left in a Little Free Library box near our house in St. Louis.

Little Free Library box

Do you see how we’ve conveniently arranged our book so it’s between two less-appealing books, in order to make it pop? If you want to help us out, that’s something you can do at your local Barnes & Noble. Just place a few copies in the “#1 Bestsellers” section. If any employees challenge you, tell them you’re Barnes & Noble CEO Demos Parneros.

We did this in the hopes that someone would email us a review, which we could then post here and (maybe) make fun of.

inside flap

The book was taken from the library over two weeks ago. How many emails would you guess we’ve received since then? Three? Fifty? Wrong. We have received ZERO EMAILS. And before you try to make excuses for whomever took the book, allow me to dispense with your arguments one by one.

1. Maybe they didn’t like the book.

That is no excuse. It literally takes two seconds to write “Your book stinks.”

In fact, let’s see how many times I can write it while holding my breath: “Your book stinks your book stinks your book stinks your book stinks your book stinks your book stinks your book stinks your book stinks your book stinks your book stinks your book stinks your

OK, so as it turns out I can’t hold my breath for very long, but you get my point.

2. Maybe they haven’t finished reading it yet.

I don’t want to make our publisher regret writing us a giant check, but honestly, this book doesn’t take long to read. It’s mainly pictures. You can probably finish it in a couple hours. That’s what makes it such a great beach read! You shouldn’t stay out in the sun for more than a couple hours, so when you get to the end of the book, you know it’s time to hurl it into the ocean and go back inside.

3. Maybe they haven’t gotten around to reading it.

You’re not supposed to take a book from a Little Free Library unless you’re ready to read it right away. Haven’t you read the fine print written on the bottom of the Little Free Library boxes?

4. Maybe they’re writing a really long review so it’s taking them a while.

Well, if you talk to them, please remind them that they’re writing for the internet. No one is going to read past the first few sentences of anything. To prove it, the first person to read this sentence and send us an email at hottestheadsofstate (at) gmail.com with the subject line “I want a free book” will receive a free copy of our book. Except no one will read this far, so we’ll never need to actually do it.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: We’ve already had a winner, so please don’t email us about how you want a free book. Or whatever, you can email us if you want to, but you should just go and BUY the book. It’s like $16 on Amazon, which is *practically* free.]

5. Maybe they laughed so hard while reading it that they had a stroke and lost the ability to use language.

I mean, I hope that’s it. That would really be the best case scenario.

6. The book is pretty brightly colored; maybe a curious raccoon took it, to shred and feather his den.

I guess that would be ok too.

NOTE: Even if you didn’t take our book out of a Little Free Library, you CAN still write a review of it, on Amazon or Goodreads. If you feel like it, maybe mention that the target audience is NOT teenage girls, because there seems to be some confusion about that.