Hottest Heads of State

A scientific and unbiased ranking of world leaders in order of hotness.

Does Richard Nixon Like You As More Than A Friend?

It’s a question as old as time itself: Does Richard Nixon like you as more than a friend? Take this quiz to find out!

And afterwards, why not purchase our new book, Hottest Heads of State? It makes the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for Richard Nixon (and also, probably, for other people).

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Today is the Day

Hottest Heads of State the book

Today is the day. The day that you’ve been dreaming about for so long that you can’t believe it’s finally here. No—it’s not your wedding day! Or whatever, it might be your wedding day. But forget about that, because today is also the day that our first book, Hottest Heads of State, Volume 1: The American Presidents, is released to the buying public. (That’s you!)

Right now, you are probably paralyzed with excitement. And that’s OK! Here is a step-by-step guide to help make the next 24 hours just as fun and memorable as you hoped it would be.

1. First, call off your wedding. Your fiancé might not understand why this is necessary, so to make things easier, just tell him you don’t love him anymore.

2. Buy our book. If you already preordered it, then congratulations! All you need to do now is sit at home and wait for the mail to come. For once, planning ahead has paid off.

If you didn’t preorder our book, you will have to go to a bookstore. And if the bookstore doesn’t have it, you will have to start toppling over tables of books in an uncontrolled rage until they agree to order it for you. This day is turning out to be so much fun already!

3. Read our book. Or whatever. This one really isn’t necessary!

4. Write reviews of our book. Here are a few of the places you can share honest but favorable reviews of our book:

a. Amazon

b. Goodreads

c. Tripadvisor (Just work it into your review of that Holiday Inn Express you stayed at last month!)

d. A sign erected in your front yard

e. In the sky (via skywriting. Or by shouting really loudly while on a plane.)

5. Throw a book release party. If you’ve never thrown a book release party for our book before, here are a few tips:

a. Invite all of the journalists and influential tastemakers you know. Are you friends with Beyoncé? We think Beyoncé would really enjoy our book, if she knew about it!

b. Serve presidential-themed food and drinks. Our book even includes recipes for how to make some of the presidents’ favorite dishes, such as “Bowl of Jelly Beans.” And here’s a fun idea: Instead of paper plates, why not serve food on top of copies of our book?

c. Ask everyone to dress as Dwight D. Eisenhower. You want this party to be classy, and one way to guarantee that is to ask everyone to arrive dressed as Dwight D. Eisenhower. Bonus points to anyone who shaves their head! Anyone who doesn’t shave their head should be turned away at the door.

And there it is! We hope your book-release day is just as magical and joyful as ours is, which we plan to spend sitting at home counting our money.

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10 Photos of Richard Nixon That Will Make You Say “Oh, Richard Nixon!”

Richard Nixon drinking

Sometimes you see a photo that just makes you say “Oh, Richard Nixon!” It’s almost an involuntary reaction—like some long-buried instinct that is only triggered by certain photos of Richard Nixon (and, occasionally, by photos that do not contain Richard Nixon).

Check out these 10 photos of Richard Nixon and let us know if they made you say “Oh, Richard Nixon!” or if you were able to view them in silence.

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We’re Coming to a City Near You! (Maybe)

Book tour

*Book does not actually float.

Did you know that, in addition to creating this website, we are also real people who exist in the world, just like you? It’s true! But don’t take our word for it—come see for yourself later this month when we go on an whirlwind TWO-CITY TOUR promoting our new book, Hottest Heads of State, Volume One: The American Presidents.

We promise you an evening that is fun and zany, or maybe just kind of awkward and quiet, but either way it will be more memorable than whatever you usually do between the hours of 6pm and 8pm. (Like eat dinner.) Some things you can look forward to include:

  • Games!
  • Prizes!
  • Sexy photos of Richard Nixon!
  • Presidential themed drinks!*
  • The opportunity to settle real-life disputes between us, JD and Kate.

And if you don’t live in the St. Louis or Washington DC metro area, don’t despair—there’s still time for you to permanently relocate!

Tuesday, January 30
The Novel Neighbor, St. Louis, MO
6:00 pm

Friday, February 2
East City Bookshop, Washington, DC
6:30 pm

Saturday, February 3
Politics and Prose (Northwest), Washington, DC
6:00 pm

*Only some of the events will include presidential-themed drinks. We won’t tell you which ones though. The only way to find out will be to attend all of them.

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Hottest Heads of State Countdown Calendar

Hottest Heads of State Countdown Calendar

Are you as excited as we are about the Jan 30 release of our book? Almost assuredly not!

But this calendar will help you build a sense of feverish, edge-of-your seat anticipation as you count down the 30 days until the book’s launch. Each day you’ll open a new compartment, but instead of a fun toy or a piece of candy, you’ll get…a weird joke. But at least it will be free, since you can print out and assemble the calendar yourself.

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Editor’s Comments on our Manuscript

People have been enjoying the hilarious editor’s comments on awful person Milo Yiannopoulos’s book manuscript. Comments like, “This is definitely not the place for more of your narcissism,” “tiresome and off the point,” and “DELETE UGH.”

But the truth is that any mediocre writer trying to fake their way into a big book advance could end up with these kinds of comments, and we are no exception. In the interest of transparency, here are just a few of the comments our long-suffering editor made to the manuscript of our upcoming book, Hottest Heads of State: Volume One, the American Presidents.

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Does Richard Nixon Like You As More Than A Friend?


Today is the Day


LEAKED! Trump's State of the Union, 2018