Before you elect someone to the most powerful office in the nation, it’s important to look at a photo of them from when they were young.
For one thing, you want to make sure they are aging as time passes, because that is how you weed out the androids. You also want to make sure they are aging in the right direction, because otherwise you could end up with a Benjamin Button situation on your hands. (And I am not even kidding about that. If we elect Marco Rubio and then find out he has the Benjamin Button disease, after two 4-year terms he will be only 10 years old!)
OH NO MARTIN O’MALLEY HAS NOT AGED SINCE 1990 HE MUST BE AN ANDROID!!!
I still might vote for him though. He’s just so handsome! Plus I like his policy of no guns for anybody except androids.
—OK Mr. Sanders, we’re all ready. If you could just look over here at the camera…
—No…that’s a tree.
—No. That’s some kind of castle.
—Eh. I’m just going to look at the tree again.
If we all try really hard, we might be able to telepathically send our thoughts back through time to young Hillary Clinton and warn her.
Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooo, young Rand Paul!
(Saying “hello” for a long time is how I flirt with 35-year-old photos of Rand Paul.)
This is a picture of a young Jeb Bush sitting at his desk and thinking about exclamation marks.
On today’s episode of General Hospital, famed and heroic neurologist Ben Carson discovers that he has an evil identical twin who has stolen his identity and is running for president.
Carly Fiorina’s high school classmates voted her “Most Likely to Be Forced Out by the Hewlett-Packard Board of Directors,” which in retrospect was remarkably prescient.
A young Donald Trump gets ready for lunch.
Chris Christie has been saving these red suspenders for when red suspenders come back in style.
Keep biding your time, Chris Christie! You don’t want to break these babies out too early.
If you look very closely at this picture of young Rick Santorum, you can see his rage starting to build.
John Kasich’s candidacy for the GOP nomination is basically a Manchurian Candidate situation, except instead of Red China it’s Peter, Paul and Mary.
Young Mike Huckabee sings “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” to his fellow campers at logging adventure camp.
Even at an early age, Ted Cruz was working hard to build up an impressive enemies list. By now, you’re probably on it! He’s basically just been going through the phone book.
And finally, here’s a young Marco Rubio writing in his diary.
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