Hottest Heads of State

A scientific and unbiased ranking of world leaders in order of hotness.

Author: Kate

Let’s Give the U.S. Presidents Sexy New Makeovers

We’ve come to the part in the story of America where everyone is feeling a little down. A little pessimistic about our prospects as a nation. And you know what that means: It’s time to cheer ourselves up with PRESIDENTIAL MAKEOVERS!

Then afterwards, please be sure to follow us on Facebook/Twitter so we can harangue you about buying our book.


George Washington

Every 14-year-old boy I know has this haircut, and when it comes to fashion, 14-year-old boys will never lead you astray. Now all George Washington needs is a pair of black knee socks and sandals, and he’ll be ready to hang out in the parking lot and vape!


Gerald Ford

If you think you aren’t attracted to Gerald Ford, you need to ask yourself, “If I’m not attracted to Gerald Ford, then why have I been looking at this picture for so long? When did it become nighttime? Wait, what day is it?”


Harry S. Truman

The first thing Harry S. Truman needs to do is lose his glasses. There—look how handsome!

The second thing he needs to do is lose the tie. The final thing he must do is lose that shirt. Makeover complete!


Dwight D. Eisenhower

Don’t say this isn’t an attractive look for Dwight D. Eisenhower until you’ve watched his workout tape.


Ronald Reagan

Nothing says “It’s Morning in America” like just-got-out-of-bed hair!


Barack Obama

Last week, social media was abuzz over a doctored photo of Barack Obama that showed him sporting a beard. Now it’s time to start the equally compelling rumor that he has started shaving his eyebrows.


Abraham Lincoln

Can you spot what’s wrong with this picture of Abraham Lincoln? Or, to phrase it more accurately, can you spot what’s right?


Jimmy Carter

If Jimmy Carter had a teardrop tattoo, then we wouldn’t have to keep wondering how many of his rivals he’s killed in prison brawls.


Zachary Taylor

One question we get over and over again is, “What would Zachary Taylor look like with the hair of Tom Selleck and the mustache of Tom Selleck?” Well, here you go. Now leave us alone, Tom Selleck!


James Garfield

A great look for any man is to dress up like a chef. Then everybody will think, “Mmm…I wonder what he’s got cooking!” The only downside is that, eventually, you will be expected to produce some kind of food.


William McKinley

William McKinley didn’t need a lot of work. We just doubled-down on his existing look. (His existing look is “eyebrows!”)


John F. Kennedy

If you think there’s no way to make JFK more handsome, it’s because you have not considered the possibility of a second, equally handsome head.


Lyndon B. Johnson

At this point, we’re just throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks.


Richard Nixon

Richard Nixon would have been a great addition to the Constitutional Convention, to remind everyone how important their work was.


Calvin Coolidge

This giant snake speaks for itself. (It says “hiss!”)

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Does Richard Nixon Like You As More Than A Friend?

It’s a question as old as time itself: Does Richard Nixon like you as more than a friend? Take this quiz to find out!

And afterwards, why not purchase our new book, Hottest Heads of State? It makes the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for Richard Nixon (and also, probably, for other people).

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Today is the Day

Hottest Heads of State the book

Today is the day. The day that you’ve been dreaming about for so long that you can’t believe it’s finally here. No—it’s not your wedding day! Or whatever, it might be your wedding day. But forget about that, because today is also the day that our first book, Hottest Heads of State, Volume 1: The American Presidents, is released to the buying public. (That’s you!)

Right now, you are probably paralyzed with excitement. And that’s OK! Here is a step-by-step guide to help make the next 24 hours just as fun and memorable as you hoped it would be.

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10 Photos of Richard Nixon That Will Make You Say “Oh, Richard Nixon!”

Richard Nixon drinking

Sometimes you see a photo that just makes you say “Oh, Richard Nixon!” It’s almost an involuntary reaction—like some long-buried instinct that is only triggered by certain photos of Richard Nixon (and, occasionally, by photos that do not contain Richard Nixon).

Check out these 10 photos of Richard Nixon and let us know if they made you say “Oh, Richard Nixon!” or if you were able to view them in silence.

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We’re Coming to a City Near You! (Maybe)

Book tour

*Book does not actually float.

Did you know that, in addition to creating this website, we are also real people who exist in the world, just like you? It’s true! But don’t take our word for it—come see for yourself later this month when we go on an whirlwind TWO-CITY TOUR promoting our new book, Hottest Heads of State, Volume One: The American Presidents.

We promise you an evening that is fun and zany, or maybe just kind of awkward and quiet, but either way it will be more memorable than whatever you usually do between the hours of 6pm and 8pm. (Like eat dinner.) Some things you can look forward to include:

  • Games!
  • Prizes!
  • Sexy photos of Richard Nixon!
  • Presidential themed drinks!*
  • The opportunity to settle real-life disputes between us, JD and Kate.

And if you don’t live in the St. Louis or Washington DC metro area, don’t despair—there’s still time for you to permanently relocate!


Tuesday, January 30
The Novel Neighbor, St. Louis, MO
6:00 pm

Friday, February 2
East City Bookshop, Washington, DC
6:30 pm

Saturday, February 3
Politics and Prose (Northwest), Washington, DC
6:00 pm


*Only some of the events will include presidential-themed drinks. We won’t tell you which ones though. The only way to find out will be to attend all of them.

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Easy, Last-Minute Gifts That You Can Make Right Now

Fake book jacket

Shopping for presents for anyone other than yourself is horrible. But we’re here to help you out with some easy, last-minute gift ideas that you can give to literally anyone, as long as you don’t care about taking their interests/taste/etc. into account.

It goes without saying that you have already preordered several copies of our book, Hottest Heads of State, so that you have one for each room of your house. But did you know you can also give it as a Christmas or Hanukkah gift, even though it doesn’t come out until January 30? All you need is glue, a printer, and the courage to give something you printed out and glued together as a gift.

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JD and Kate Visit the John Tyler Presidential Museum and Swamp Lair

We hope you enjoy this special Halloween edition of our presidential museum reviews. If you’d like to learn more misinformation about John Tyler, we humbly recommend this.

John Tyler museum entrance

The walkway to the museum entrance has a warning sign urging visitors to make sure they’re back over dry land by dark.

The John Tyler Presidential Museum and Swamp Lair

Great Dismal Swamp, VA
Adults: $10 | Children under 12: $5

Kate: To reach the John Tyler Presidential Museum and Swamp Lair, you have to drive 60 miles off the main highway into the Great Dismal Swamp National Wildlife Refuge that straddles the Virginia/North Carolina border.

JD: I like that they call it a swamp instead of a “forested wetland.” It is a swamp. You can smell it for a mile before you get there. If you had to pick one word to describe it, it would be “slimy.”

Kate: If I had to pick one word, it would be “swampy.”

JD: And, appropriately, it’s the home of the only swamp monster to serve as U.S. president: John Tyler.

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Hottest Heads of State Through History: French Monarchs

Louis XIV young

It’s a young Louis XIV! You would recognize those pouty lips anywhere.

France and America have had a special friendship ever since France bankrupted itself helping America win the Revolutionary War, triggering a violent and tumultuous upheaval in which millions perished. Now let’s celebrate the centuries of mutual affection between our two countries by ogling some hot French monarchs! (Or, as we like to call them, “Freedom monarchs.”)

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The Presidents of the United States: In Order of Best Eyebrows

Richard Nixon's right eyebrow

You might not know this about me, but the main thing I look for in a man is a nice pair of eyebrows. If a guy with mediocre eyebrows approaches me, I tell him, “Sorry, not interested.” Then when he says, “Um, I was just wondering if you could give me directions to the metro?” I say “No way.”

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