Hottest Heads of State

A scientific and unbiased ranking of world leaders in order of hotness.

Ousted!

A Profile of Rafael Correa

Rafael Correa

Cancillería Ecuador

Some people say to me, “Kate, I’ve noticed you often write about world leaders who you have a crush on. I am starting to suspect that this is part of a pathetic fantasy that these world leaders will somehow read what you wrote and be flattered and then run into you and ask you out on a date. Even though they’re married. And you’re married. And you have that unattractive limp.”

To these people, I say “Hey, do you happen to have Rafael Correa’s personal email address? If so, do you think you could send him a link to this website? Because that would really help me out.”

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Aníbal Cavaco Silva

President of Portugal
Aníbal Cavaco Silva

Michał Koziczyński / Senat Rzeczypospolitej Polskiej

Throughout the day, he sleeps. Lovers walk hand-in-hand along the avenues, children eat ice cream that melts and drips on the sun-dappled sidewalks, and all the while he rests, inert, as though stone. But as the light fades and sidewalk cafes fill with evening diners, eating hot crusty bread washed down with sangria measured in milliliters, Portuguese President Aníbal Cavaco Silva awakens. His eyes open with an almost audible click and he rises at the waist like a sprung trap, instantly alert, thirsty for blood and ready for the duties of state.

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A Profile of Joseph Kabila

Joseph Kabila

U.S. State Department

The DRC is very hot right now. Well, actually it is not as hot as it normally is, since I’m writing this in July and it’s “winter” there. But it is normally very hot! It is also a “hot-bed” of violent insurrection (also a year-round, every-year occurrence)! And, of course, it has one of the hottest world leaders in Joseph Kabila. Are these things related? Probably.

At first glance, Kabila stands out among his African peers, because he doesn’t have scars on his face. Most African leaders have scars, because they macheted their way to power in the bush. Kabila, however, was born into power as a result of the violent and bloodthirsty work of his father. Sadly, Kabila’s father (also named Kabila, interestingly enough) died shortly after seizing power, due to complications associated with multiple machete wounds to the face. 🙁 But that leaves his son Joseph to rise to the top(ish) of our charts!

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