Did you know that our candles sales have accurately predicted the winner of every U.S. presidential election (and every Canadian federal election1) since 2016?
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Author: J.D.
Usually, you hate to see a bus drive off a cliff. But what if the bus is driving off a cliff because someone convinced the passengers that it was a good idea? Well, then at least you want to see that person where they belong: sitting in the front seat, as the bus tips over the edge and falls toward eternity.
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Comments Off on A Profile of Boris Johnson
In the very first use of our Hotness Ranking Machine, we had it calculate the attractiveness of Slovakia’s newly elected president, Zuzana Čaputová. Continue Reading
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I haven’t asked her specifically, but I assume that one of the many things Kate loves about me is my insistence on making weird diorama-style candles with wax miniatures that no one buys. But I don’t want her to love me TOO much, so I need to narrow down my ideas. Can you help? Please tell us which of these candles you think we should conjure into existence. You’re smart and we’ll leave it up to you to figure out how to let us know.
(Actually, we’ll tell you one way you could let us know: Take out an ad in the Sunday New York Times. We subscribe to the New York Times so we will (probably) see your ad, if it is in close proximity to the crossword.)
Global Warming Candle
We want our candles to be funny, and nothing is as funny as global warming.
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Comments Off on Which New Candle Should We Make in 2019?
You probably have a lot of questions about the upcoming midterm elections. Who should you vote for? Where is your polling place? What should you wear? And should you bring extra clothes, so you can do a quick costume change in the voting booth to add some theatricality to the whole affair?
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Comments Off on Hottest Heads of State Explains: The 2018 U.S. Midterm Elections
For the most part, we cannot predict the future. And yet, we predict that over the next year or two, we’ll be reading a lot in the news about money laundering. Specifically, how foreign oligarchs use expensive real estate purchases in the U.S. to launder their money. This widespread practice is deeply corrosive…to our profits! You see, oligarchs could be laundering money just as easily with expensive candle purchases. If you happen to be an oligarch googling for money laundering tips, here’s an easy step-by-step guide.
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You might have heard that President Trump is attending a neato summit in Brussels this week. And you probably thought to yourself, “I’m relieved he’s thousands of miles away. But how come he gets to attend a neato summit?” Well, the answer is that it’s actually a NATO summit. And, if you have a very specific set of questions about NATO, we have answers.
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