WARNING!!
Do not read this story straight through from beginning to end. These web pages contain many different adventures you may have as U.S. president Donald Trump. From time to time as you read along, you will be asked to make a choice. Your choice may lead to disaster, a worse disaster, or—theoretically—middling success.
Since antiquity, illustrated manuscripts have helped bring clarity to confusing, ambiguous texts. And, like a monk toiling away in some secluded monastery, I have illustrated the transcript of Donald Trump’s July 21 interview with the New York Times. Its mysteries and occluded meanings have been brought to light, via the magic of the mechanical pencil Kate uses for crossword puzzles.
U.S. Department of Defense
At some point in their lives, every American memorizes the faces of all 43 U.S. presidents. But have you ever wondered what our vice presidents look like? No? Oh.
Um. I’m just going to leave this here:
The Vice Presidents of the United States: In Order of Hotness.
Last week we gave the remaining GOP candidates some suggestions on who they should choose as running mates. But now the Democratic candidates are (probably) saying, “What about us? We don’t know who to choose as running mates either! And we need some ideas, or we’ll end up just picking someone at random from the crowd at the convention, like Kerry did with John Edwards.”
Gage Skidmore / Wikimedia Commons
Last night, ten Republican presidential candidates took the stage at the glamorous Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, Ohio, to talk about something. Today everyone is dying know: Who was the best dressed? Who was the worst dressed? And which candidate forgot to wear shoes?
Not a lot of people realize how attractive (almost) all of the U.S. presidents were when they were young. And I, for one, am tired of people not realizing this.
So for the sake of your history education, I submit to you photos of the U.S. presidents when they were young and hunky.
They are not ranked in order of hotness, because I couldn’t find a picture of every president in the same age range, and in a couple of cases I couldn’t find a youthful photo or portrait at all. In those instances I just substituted a a picture of Tommy Lee Jones or whoever. Enjoy!
This President’s Day, we are honoring America’s presidents by ranking them in order of hotness.
