It’s that time of year again: The time of year when you are forced to buy gifts for your friends and family members, and—in doing so—reveal that you know nothing about their hobbies, tastes, or interests.
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#Book
One thing you might get to do if you write a book is go on a book tour. This means going to bookstores in different cities, talking about and/or reading from your book, and signing copies.
As you may know, we wrote a book, and we went on a whirlwind tour of bookstores in St. Louis and Washington, D.C. And yes, it is still a tour if it’s just two cities. (If it’s just one city, it’s a residency, like Britney Spears is doing in Las Vegas.)
Anyhow, our book tour was a wild ride! Do you want to hear about it? No? Too late!
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Do you see how we’ve conveniently arranged our book so it’s between two less-appealing books, in order to make it pop? If you want to help us out, that’s something you can do at your local Barnes & Noble. Just place a few copies in the “#1 Bestsellers” section. If any employees challenge you, tell them you’re Barnes & Noble CEO Demos Parneros.
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It’s a question as old as time itself: Does Richard Nixon like you as more than a friend? Take this quiz to find out!
And afterwards, why not purchase our new book, Hottest Heads of State? It makes a great gift for Richard Nixon (and also, possibly, for other people).
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Today is the day. The day that you’ve been dreaming about for so long that you can’t believe it’s finally here. No—it’s not your wedding day! Or whatever, it might be your wedding day. But forget about that, because today is also the day that our first book, Hottest Heads of State, Volume 1: The American Presidents, is released to the buying public. (That’s you!)
Right now, you are probably paralyzed with excitement. And that’s OK! Here is a step-by-step guide to help make the next 24 hours just as fun and memorable as you hoped it would be.
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*Book does not actually float.
Did you know that, in addition to creating this website, we are also real people who exist in the world, just like you? It’s true! But don’t take our word for it—come see for yourself later this month when we go on an whirlwind TWO-CITY TOUR promoting our new book, Hottest Heads of State, Volume One: The American Presidents.
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Are you as excited as we are about the Jan 30 release of our book? Almost assuredly not!
But this calendar will help you build a sense of feverish, edge-of-your seat anticipation as you count down the 30 days until the book’s launch. Each day you’ll open a new compartment, but instead of a fun toy or a piece of candy, you’ll get…a weird joke. But at least it will be free, since you can print out and assemble the calendar yourself.
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People have been enjoying the hilarious editor’s comments on awful person Milo Yiannopoulos’s book manuscript. Comments like, “This is definitely not the place for more of your narcissism,” “tiresome and off the point,” and “DELETE UGH.”
But the truth is that any mediocre writer trying to fake their way into a big book advance could end up with these kinds of comments, and we are no exception. In the interest of transparency, here are just a few of the comments our long-suffering editor made to the manuscript of our upcoming book, Hottest Heads of State: Volume One, the American Presidents.
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Shopping for presents for anyone other than yourself is horrible. But we’re here to help you out with some easy, last-minute gift ideas that you can give to literally anyone, as long as you don’t care about taking their interests/taste/etc. into account.
It goes without saying that you have already preordered several copies of our book, Hottest Heads of State, so that you have one for each room of your house. But did you know you can also give it as a Christmas or Hanukkah gift, even though it doesn’t come out until January 30? All you need is glue, a printer, and the courage to give something you printed out and glued together as a gift.
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Alert! We wrote a book. The title is Hottest Heads of State, Volume 1: The American Presidents. It is coming out on January 30, 2018, and you can buy it right this second.
But first, perhaps you have some questions.
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