Alert! We wrote a book. The title is Hottest Heads of State, Volume 1: The American Presidents. It is coming out on January 30, 2018, and you can buy it right this second.
But first, perhaps you have some questions.
The temperatures here in St. Louis are starting to dip from the mid-90s to the low-90s, which means that Halloween is just around the corner. And, as the parents of two young children, that means we need to start thinking about Halloween costumes for our Defective Candle.
President Donald Trump claims to hate The New York Times, which he calls “the failing New York Times,” yet he keeps giving them interviews. We, on the other hand, have not secured a single interview with him, even though he has never once called us “the failing Hottest Heads of State.” (Despite the fact that we are, by some measures, more of a failure than the New York Times.)
Fortunately, if there’s one thing I picked up at the University of Missouri School of Journalism (back when I regularly walked past it and imagined what was being taught inside) it’s that you’re allowed to make up interviews as long as you use real quotes.
We live in a golden age of human achievement.
If you haven’t been reading JD’s travel diary, then you haven’t been missing out on much. Don’t believe me? Just check out Part 1!
Dear Diary,
We got the first pass version of our book on Thursday night, so I stayed inside all day on Friday working on the book and ignoring the kids’ requests that I 1) play ninja, 2) play pillowfight, or 3) play ninja pillowfight.
This is the Canadian Imperial Igloo, where the Emperor of Canada dreams, deep in his vat.
We took a family trip to Quebec. People love hearing about family vacations, so we figure everyone wants to hear us drone on and on about it. With that in mind, here is J.D.’s daily journal recording our visit.
Richard Nixon recorded all of his Oval Office conversations, and the transcripts from these secret tapes are an nonstop explosion of profound wisdom and keen observations about the human condition. If you’ve ever read through the transcripts yourself, you probably thought, “If only this guy had his own relationship advice column!” Well, all of your wildest dreams are about to come true.
WARNING!!
Do not read this story straight through from beginning to end. These web pages contain many different adventures you may have as U.S. president Donald Trump. From time to time as you read along, you will be asked to make a choice. Your choice may lead to disaster, a worse disaster, or—theoretically—middling success.
